Top 5: Worst Shows to Watch While Eating

"Experts" say that you should not eat and watch TV at the same time.  It seems like common sense to me that if you sit for 15 hours in front of your television and snack constantly that it is most likely that you become unhealthy and not last as long in this world as you could, but I quite enjoy to share my dinner with fictional characters (they do all the talking and I can focus on my food).  Sadly some shows, some of my favorites, don't lend themselves well to mastication, and of my current queue, the following are the shows that have a "Beverages Only" warning on them.

Fringe
As I said semi-recently, I find Fringe just a bit too icky to watch while eating.  Most episodes start with the imaginative and gory death of someone, but that is usually the least of your worries.  You have about 20 mins before Walter starts dissecting that person and then running some super unpleasant experiments on that poor soul.  Don't start thinking you're in the clear for snack time, because I can 90% guarantee you that before the episode is over, something/someone is either going to ooze, melt, or explode.  Yes, it is as appetizing as it sounds.

Modern Family
As with many documentary style shows, some of the funniest moments of Modern Family are the facial expressions and the background action, so if you're distracted by something, like a piece of amazing veggie lasagna, then you can miss the priceless glimpses of Phil's "I'm so hip with the youth"-face or the split second when it looks like Mitch is actually going to voice his amazement over what goes on around him.  Would you be able to forgive yourself if you missed the domino-esque disaster of Luke's birthday because you didn't allot time earlier in the evening for your meal? (Thank the bestest ever higher power for TV on DVD for the endless re-watch!)

Sons of Anarchy
Between shootings, road accidents, beatings, rape, and mutilation I just don't think there is a human being out there with the guts of steel necessary to consume food for the 42 glorious minutes of an SoA episode.  Maybe I am just a weakling who is unable to enjoy my lo mein when a full back tattoo is removed with a blowtorch, but I treat this show like swimming; do not attempt until 30 minutes after a meal.

The Big Bang Theory
I learned my lesson with this show during "The Vengeance Formulation"(3.9) when Kripke sabotages Sheldon's radio interview and I choked on the green peas I was eating.  For a second I thought I was going to die, but considering how funny that scene is, I figured it was my time.  My mom was still laughing while she slapped my back.  TBBT is just too funny, it is a serious health risk.


Dexter
I know what you think I'm going to say, "Dex slicing up faces and stuffing body parts in trash bags is revolting" but I can handle that.  No, what I find immensely stomach turning is the opening credits.  I don't like to watch people eating at all, so a super-up-close shot of  a egg and ham-steak breakfast makes me feel nauseated just writing the words.  I think the opening credits are wonderfully done; the intense scrutiny engendered by the sharp focus on the mundane morning ritual perfectly prepares the viewer for the tone and approach of the show, but for me, it is the ultimate appetite suppressant.

I'm realizing other people might not have this problem.  Oh well, good for you people out there who have much stronger constitutions than I.  God, I sound like a Victorian.

The TV Girl